Melee School Boys: Battle of the Bands
by Hikaru Morinaga
Summary: Link, Marth, and Roy attend Melee Academy of Higher Learning for Boys. Their school's hosting a Battle of the Bands, and the winner gets ten bucks, and a box of cheezits. Who will win? But they have to take a test just because. Minor slash. Final chap up!
1. Chapter 1

**Melee School Boys: Battle of the Bands**

**-One-**

Marth, Roy, and Link were sitting in a classroom filled with students none of them recognized, save for Stephenie and Nicholas and Gary Stu, who sat all the way in the back. They were there for one reason today: to take a test, which was actually more of an exam than anything else. A test for what, you might ask? Well, it was for Mewtwo-sensei's Japanese class. Marth and Roy smirked due to the fact that they knew everything there was to know about the language simply because they paid attention in class. They secretly felt sorry for Link, who they were sure was failing the class. And how hard was the exam? Well, that was up to their teacher, Mewtwo, who didn't really like anyone in the classroom.

Roy slouched in his seat, his uniform jacket unbuttoned, his shirt untucked, and his tie loosened due to the fact that it was simply boiling in Mewtwo's room. He tapped his pen against his desk, occasionally twirling it between his index and middle fingers, awaiting the teacher's arrival. Marth sat up straight, his hands folded in front of him. The pen he loved so much (it was his lucky pen with his name on it) was at the top of his desk. He cleared his throat, clearly nervous, though he really had no reason to be - but Mewtwo was somewhat insane, so maybe there was some just cause. Link was just sitting there, leaning comfortably back in his chair, his hands behind his head, supporting it. A little nap wouldn't hurt anyone...

The door suddenly flew open. Roy nearly flung his pen at Marth's face, who was seated to his left. Marth nearly choked on his own spit and was almost hit with a pen, but Marth half-fell out of his seat anyway. Link nearly fell out of his chair, for he was leaning back on the back legs too far, and would have been in Stephenie's lap and that wasn't a good thing at all. Mewtwo floated over to his podium, grabbed the grade book with his mind powers, and opened it to the appropriate page - period one.

"Stand up and bow down, mortals."

All of the students stood up and bowed.

"Ohayo gozaimasu, sensei," they all said in unison. Mewtwo turned to face the whiteboard and wrote something on it with a purple dry-erase marker - his favourite colour. Everyone took their seats while he did this.

"As you puny people know, you are being tested. Let's start with The Lecture."

"The Lecture? What lecture? No one mentioned a lecture..." Stephenie said, her hand raised. Mewtwo ignored her.

"The Lecture should be easy, considering it's about what you studied." Or didn't study, Mewtwo added mentally.

I'm going to fail, Roy thought, realising he wasn't good at lectures. Hey, maybe I can cheat off of Marth.

Link screamed like Nobuyuki Hiyama being smacked in the face.

Crap. I hope it was about sharks. Link was up all night watching the Shark Special on the Discovery Channel.

'Piece of the proverbial cake,' Marth thought and did a perfect imitation of Japanese!Heero Yuy. Mewtwo looked at him oddly.

"Yes, today's lecture is about...COWS."

"WHAT?" Marth screamed, jumping out of his desk, almost knocking it over and sending itflying.

"Why're you freaking out, Hikaru-chan?" Roy asked.

"Because I st—did you just call me 'Hikaru-chan'?"

Roy snickered. "...You look like someone from Ouran Host Club, that's all." Upon seeing Marth's confused face, Roy said, "It was a joke, Marth."

"Oh. Well in that case, it wasn't very funny."

After screaming when he remembered the Cow Lecture, he ran to the back of the room to the sink, where he splashed his face with cold water several times. Marth didn't like lectures about meat-products.

"Don't mind Marth. He just likes chickens," Roy said, bored, and tried to balance his pen on his nose.

"That's Link who likes chickens," Marth yelled. "I'm a vegetarian - I don't like meat products."

"Alright, let's skip the lecture because it's a waste of time and clearly none of you studied. Don't lie. I can read minds," Mewtwo said at last, looking at his class indifferently.

Marth calmed down enough to sit back at his desk and be quiet.

"Answer all of the questions I have written on the board. It can give me an idea of how well you know your fellow Smashers. And classmates," Mewtwo said, adding the last bit in as an afterthought.

Roy looked at the board and then at his notebook.

"'What country does Marth come from?' Uh...," Roy said to himself, chewing on his pen cap. "Wait, the country or the...the continent?"

Mewtwo stared at Roy.

"I'm sorry, it's almost nine in the morning, I'm not a morning person, and my brain is still sleeping right now."

"The country," Mewtwo clarified, and Roy scribbled his answer down.

Marth absentmindedly twirled a section of his hair around his finger.

"'What is a cuckoo?' ... Link's favourite animal in the whole wide world," he scribbled, smirking.

Link stared blankly at the board. "'Who is Eliwood?' ...Good question," he wrote.

Roy tapped his pen against the page. "'How far is Hyrule from here?' ...You expect me to know?" he wrote, albeit very messy and not very legible.

Marth wrote, "Four miles."

Link wrote that he "didn't want to be here" on the margin of his paper and hoped Mewtwo was too stupid to figure out what it said. However, Mewtwo, who could read minds, knew exactly what it said, and would give Link an "F" for e"f"fort.

"'What is Marth's favourite colour and song?'" Roy pondered the answer for all of two point five seconds before he wrote "blue".

Link turned around and whispered, "Hey, Roy; what's the answer to the last question?"

Roy looked at the last question: What is Marth's shoe size?

"...Who the hell knows Marth's shoe size?" Glancing at Mewtwo, Roy whispered to Link, "I think Mewtwo's trying to tell us something, there. You know what they say about a guy's shoe size."

Link shook his head. "No, I don't."

Roy would have headdesked, but he didn't really want a concussion.

Marth hastily scribbled on his paper, and when Link was about to ask Marth for his shoe size, he got up from his desk (once again, nearly knocking it over) and put it on Mewtwo's podium.

"Ah, Mister Lowell--" Marth cleared his throat and glared at him. "--...deal with it. Your title means nothing here."

Marth scowled.

"You do realize you're the only one finished, right?"

Marth nodded.

"Then sit your human butt back down in your seat and do something productive for once while your weak classmates finish up."

Marth sat down in his seat but then shrieked like Hikaru Midorikawa when he realized something.

"I don't think I put my name on the paper."

Mewtwo smirked and glanced down at Marth's test paper.

"You did your name on it, but you only put 'Marth Lowell' on it. Oh well. It's your _name_ that matters, not your title."

Marth pouted and slid lower in his seat to sulk and grumble about Mewtwo.

Roy got fed up with the last question and put "WHO CARES?" and "IT'S FUN TO SMOKE MARIJUANA" and jumped out of his seat exclaiming, "I'm done!"

Mewtwo yawned. "Give me your test then, weakling."

Roy nearly stumbled over Link's book bag and handed in his test.

"...Well, at least you put your name on it, even though your brain is half working," Mewtwo said. Roy muttered something under his breath that sounded suspiciously like "Stupid good-for-nothing Pokie-man," and sat back down at his desk.

Link nearly put a hole in his paper when he wrote his answer to the first question and folded his test up into a paper airplane, throwing it over to Mewtwo's podium where it missed and went into his coffee.

Mewtwo was not amused, and Link hurriedly began to write his will on another sheet of paper, because Mewtwo was a germophobe and he didn't like anything extra in his coffee. Using his mind powers, Mewtwo took the test out of his "Please donate to the LMOA disease foundation" mug and dried it off.

"Just 'Link', hmm? Oh well. _Time is up, weaklings_. I need a mocha latte."

Mewtwo looked through the tests once he got them all and shook his head.

"This is pathetic. The only ones who got most, if not all, of the questions right was Mr. Lowell and Mr. Pherae. Link, you fail at life."

The two aforementioned boys blushed. Marth sneezed.

"As punishment for being so stupid, Link, you must kiss Marth. On the mouth. French. _Now_."

Link screamed like Nobuyuki Hiyama and knocked himself out by banging his head against the back of his chair.

"I'll do it!" Roy volunteered, a bit more cheerful than Mewtwo expected.

"OBJECTION!" Marth shouted, holding up his left hand and pointed to his ring finger. "Sheeda would _not_ like this. At all."

"Oh come on, Marth, it's just a kiss, and it's for Link."

Marth sighed. "Fine. But if Sheeda gives me grief for it, it's on your conscience."

And so Roy brushed his lips against Marth's, his hand clutching onto Marth's blazer.

Mewtwo thought the kiss lasted longer than it really should have.

-x-

Author's Note: So I'm revising this story. I decided that it needs more detail, and the continuity really isn't...that stable. Besides, I'll probably make it more amusing, as well. Heh.

So feedback is welcome and appreciated!


	2. Chapter 2

**Melee School Boys: Battle of the Bands**

**-Two-**

The next day, Marth, Roy, and Link entered the classroom and took their usual seats. Marth slouched slightly, his notebook in front of him, pen in hand. He was ready to take notes, even though he rarely took any. Roy sat in his chair with his legs crossed, his notebook open to a coffee-stained page with scribbles all over it; Roy didn't take many notes in the class, either. Pages were half attached to it from the daily abuse of being shoved into a locker. He chewed on his pen cap and twirled the pen, waiting for Mewtwo to arrive. Link had nothing out (and he wondered sometimes why he was getting D's and F's in the class) and leaned backwards, the chair leaning on its hind legs.

"Terribly sorry," a woman with a thick accent and pink hair up in pigtails said. "Mr. Mewtwo will be absent today. His case of LMOA is acting up rather badly. Where's the rest of the class?"

Roy turned around and saw only three or four other people in the room.  
"They're either dead, sleeping, absent, or late," the redhead said. The pen flew out of his hand and hit Marth's tiara right off his head and onto the window sill.  
Link's eyes widened. "If that window weren't closed, his tiara would've been in the stadium somewhere."  
The woman, Ms. Serra, looked at the seating chart and then at Roy.  
"Mr. Far-ay...?"  
Everyone stared at her.  
"It's pronounced Feh-ray," Roy corrected nonchalantly. It was a very common mistake to make, so common that it didn't bother Roy much anymore.  
"...Are you related to Eliwood Pherae?" she asked as she leant against the podium.  
That was a very common question to ask, so common that it didn't phase Roy much anymore.  
"He's my father."

Ms. Serra smiled. "I see then. I thought you looked alike. But anyway, Roy, it's bad to fling pens! You could've hit me and gave me an ugly scar, or you could have injured the poor girl next to you. You can't be so careless! Those are weapons, you know."  
Whilst Serra went on about all the proper safeguards to using pens, Roy got up out of his seat and retrieved Marth's royal headpiece. Somehow, Marth didn't notice it was even missing, a thought that Roy knew was unusual.

"'Ey, Marthy," Roy said, poking Marth with his pen and using Link's nickname for Marth.  
"What?"  
"This, I think, is yours," Roy said, holding Marth's tiara out. Marth's eyes widened; he snatched it out of Roy's hands and inspected it. Upon passing inspection, Marth placed it back into his hair and adjusted it until it was _just so_.

"Apologise to the poor girl, now, Roy. You have to earn back her trust now, poor thing."  
Roy looked at Serra weirdly.  
"But I didn't do anything to Stephenie," Roy said. "And she sits behind me, not next to me." He gestured to only girl in the room. Stephenie waved, pink Nintendo DS stylus in her hand.  
"...I meant the one whose tiara you knocked off," Serra clarified, pointing to Marth.  
Man, Ms. Serra was getting a lot of weird staring today.  
"Actually, the correct term is 'diadem'," Roy said, "we just call it a tiara because it's an inside joke. And...that's not a girl. Marth is a guy."

Ms. Serra fell over. Getting up and adjusting her glasses (which she didn't really need in the first place), she looked at her seating chart and saw "Mr. Lowell" written where Marth was sitting.  
"Oh. I...uh...apologise, Mr. Lowell." Oh, how embarrassing, calling a boy a "girl"! And to think she made the same mistake twice.

Well, in her defence, Lucius really did look too much like a girl.

She cleared her throat and wrote something on the dry-erase board with a Sharpie marker.  
"This is your assignment, children," she said, not realising that there was one senior, a few juniors, and a few sophomores in the class. "Write a three page essay on..." she looked at the paper, "the importance of the Battle of...Ankaneea? ...Akaneia? Something like that. You have the whole class period."

Marth nearly committed seppuku with his ballpoint pen. He had never heard Akaneia butchered so horribly.

-x-

Mewtwo had a terrible disease called LMOA, which was given to him because of faulty DNA used in the cloning experiment. What LMOA disease would do is it would make you go mad, hit yourself, and talk to the evil Sharpie Thieves. When Mewtwo's brother, Mewy, died of the disease (it runs in families), he started the LMOA foundation. Thousands of dollars were donated in a matter of days to the foundation.

Mewtwo sighed and continued on with his list titled "Ways to Torture the Students". There were five items on it. Circled in purple Sharpie and marked with the date was "Give Essay on Battle of Akaneia and typo it so Marth dies". He laughed manically as he circled another.

"This will be a brilliant plan," he said and doodled "The Smashers are puny mortals" on the top right hand margin of his list. No one would see it.

-x-

Roy wasn't having any fun whatsoever. He had no idea what the Battle of Akaneia was even about. He also couldn't think of any way to bullshit through the three pages. He wrote, in big letters, "MAY SAINT ELIMINE HAVE MERCY ON MY SOUL," and made a paper airplane instead. Ms. Serra was sitting at the desk talking to her leige on her pink RAZR cell phone. She giggled.

"Oh, Lord Hector, when am I going to get the vassals I asked for about twenty years ago?"

Marth wanted to stab his pen through her throat and then run Mewtwo over with a tank. He couldn't think straight, his head ached, his carpal tunnel syndrome was acting up, his OCD was going nuts over the fact that Link's desk was on the floor and Roy's paper was crooked, and his essay probably sucked. Ms. Serra noticed Marth's tiara on the desk and said something in Ostian.

"FUCK THIS," Link said in Hylian and stood up, knocking his desk upright somehow, and left the room.

Ms. Serra either didn't notice or didn't care. Roy was doodling on his paper and text messaging his girlfriend. Marth was having a heart attack over the essay.

Without warning, Ms. Purel ducked and noticed something embedded in the wall right above her head.

"Marth!" Roy said, looking at the now tiara-less blunette with wide eyes. "What the hell is wrong with you?"

"I CAN'T TAKE THE PRESSURE ANYMORE!" he shouted in reply (making Roy question the prince's sanity, or what was left of his sanity) and sat back down, head on the desk.  
Roy got up and slapped Marth. "Calm down, Marth. It's not due until tomorrow - you have all night to work on it."  
Marth glared at him and rubbed his reddening cheek.  
Suddenly, Marth said, as his eyes glanced at the wall, "...Is that my tiara _in the wall_?"  
Roy didn't know what to say except, "Yes, it is."

Marth nearly committed seppuku with his ballpoint again when he saw the jewel embedded in the tiara on the floor. In pieces.  
"Marth?"  
Marth looked like he was about to go to his execution.  
"I am so dead."  
"...Marth, a jeweler could easily fix it."  
"So very, very dead," Marth continued, ignoring Roy. "Elice is going to murder me and feed me to Sheeda's pegasus. Dead man."  
"Marth! A jeweler can fix it for you. Stop freaking out!"  
Marth looked at Roy, then at his tiara, then the gem, then back at Roy, then his tiara, then the gem. Rinse, lather, repeat.  
"I forgot all about that."  
"I even mentioned it before, Mr. Dead Man."

Link came running back into the room with a flyer in his hand.  
"Guess what?" he asked.  
"What?" Roy replied.  
"There's a Battle of the Bands contest coming up, and first prize is ten bucks and a box of Cheez-Its."  
"Oh em gee, we just have to sign up!" Roy said, throwing what was left of his essay onto the floor. Ms. Serra fainted from Lord Hector's string of expletives.

Marth looked disgusted.  
"Can any of us even sing? Or play an instrument for that matter?"  
Link had not even thought about that.  
"Roy can sing."  
"No I can't," the red head said.  
"Yes you can," Link insisted. "You just can't dance, but that's something that can be fixed."  
"If it couldn't be fixed with six years of lessons, I don't think I have any hope left."

"Marth can play the elbow or whatever," Link said.  
"It's not an elbow, it's an oboe. And I play flute, not oboe," Marth said. "And besides, I can't sing."  
"Yes you can," Link once again insisted. "I've heard you in the shower."  
"Pervert. We don't even share a room, how would you--"  
"Roy can play the guitar," Link said, changing the subject.  
"Not...very well."

"Marth can sing," Link repeated.  
"...Whatever you said," the bluenette responded.  
"And I can play the drums."  
"Banging on pots and pans doesn't count," Marth said, crossing his arms.  
"Yes it does! It's the same thing!"  
"No it doesn't! Pots and pans aren't toms toms, bass, snare, hi-hats, or crash and ride cymbals."  
"Yes it does! I can arrange the pot lids to be the cymbals, the big pot as the bass, the medium ones as the tom toms, the small one to be the snare and..."  
"No it doesn't count," Marth reiterated. "You'd need something for the hi-hat, and a petal so you can open and close them. And then you'd need a pedal for the bass drum, unless you're kicking it, but you'd knock the pot over doing that. And what are you going to use for sticks, a set of wooden spoons?"  
"Yes it does too count! And I'd use those marinating brushes for barbecue for drumsticks."  
"Link, that's something completely different from a drumstick."  
"A drumstick is chicken legs, and I'm not going to use chicken thighs!"

Roy just looked at the two bickering swordsmen and sighed.  
"Link, just admit you have no idea what you're talking about," Marth said, crossing his arms.  
"I do know what I'm talking about!"  
"No you don't!"  
"Yes I do!"  
"No you don't!"  
"What makes you the authority on drum sets, anyway?"  
"I'm in band, Link. I'm in Jazz, Concert, and Marching Bands, I play the drums for Jazz Band. I know what I'm talking about."

Thankfully, Link let the topic lie after that, otherwise Marth would have surely lost it, dragged Link to the Band room, and played him something, demonstrating all the different parts of a drum set.

-x-

Mewtwo came into the classroom and tried to erase the board. He was not successful.  
"The hell? Is this _Sharpie_? Who the hell wrote in Sharpie? It's a dry-erase board for a reason. Meaning, it's supposed to erase."  
What was written on the board? A giant penis that said, underneath it, "You know you want to suck Marth's dick." From Celeste.  
"This person was stupid enough to leave their name? Mortals truly _are_ idiots."

-x-

"How can you play this thing when it's so loud?" Link asked, shouting over the bass drum. Apparently, Marth dragged Link to the Band room anyway.  
"...Either your ears are sensitive or you're just being stupid," Marth remarked, "since the bass drum isn't loud at all. If you want loud, I'll give you loud."  
"Try me," Link challenged, crossing his arms. "We'll see who's the better--"  
So Marth smacked away at both the snare drum and the crash cymbal. Roy had his ears covered and was on the other side of the room talking to the band instructor.  
"So you want to join Band?" Zelda asked. "What instrument are you interested in?"  
Roy shrugged. "Probably something that doesn't march."  
"Drumline doesn't march much, though they do march."  
"Sounds good. When does practise start?"  
"End of April."  
"See you then," Roy said, ears ringing as he went over to Marth and Link.

"...Is the score settled now?"  
"Yes," Marth answered, setting the drumsticks on top of the snare drum. "I think Link got the message."

Link was deaf for the rest of the day.  
"I think I'll just play the ocarina or something. Roy can play the guitar, and you can play the drums."  
Marth nodded with approval. "Much better."  
"What?"  
Marth sighed. "Never mind."  
"What?"  
"I SAID NEVER MIND."  
"Then why didn't you just say so?"

It was a good thing Link was on Marth's team that afternoon for the Melee match, or Link would have gotten his ass kicked.


	3. Chapter 3

**Melee School Boys**

**Disclaimer:** I don't own Melee. I also don't own "Broken Butterfly", Resident Evil, or any of the songs and artists here. I do own Stephanie and Nicholas, though. Gary Martin Stu owns himself.  
**Dedicated to: **The ever lovely Quikil822, my beta.

**Beta'd by:** The ever lovely Quikil822.

-Three-

Roy entered the classroom and sat down at his usual desk. As usual, Link wasn't there yet, and the only other person there was a girl named Stephanie (which made Roy wonder why they called it "Melee Academy of Higher Learning for _Boys_" if there was a _girl_ in his class). She was playing Nintendogs on her pink Nintendo DS and yelling at the dog to sit while slashing at the touch screen with the stylus. Roy dropped his bookbag on the floor, causing a big THUD and the whole classroom to shake. Rummaging through it, he found his notebook (which now had no back cover and only half a spiral spine) and textbook (which he never used anyway). Taking a pen out from his pants pocket, he placed it on the book and waited. And waited. And waited. The bell rang, and students finally started to pour in (there were only about two other people in his class anyway).

Marth ran into the classroom and past his desk, colliding with the wall. Everyone ignored him, as this was a natural occurance; Roy wondered how Marth never ended up with missing teeth or a broken nose, but figured that his tiara-headband-thing had special powers and left it at that. The prince peeled himself off of the (now) dented wall and walked over to his desk as if nothing had happened. Stephanie looked up from her DS for five seconds--long enough for her to state, "Marth, your tiara's crocked," and to throw a pen at the boy behind her. He got stabbed in the eye, but other than that, he was a-okay! Marth had an OCD attack and looked into window beside him as if it were a mirror. Not only was his tiara-headband-thing crocked, but his hair was also not in its usual nice-and-neat manner. This realization caused Marth's eye to twitch and also caused him to start yelling at his reflection in the window. Everyone ignored this, because it was old hat, as Marth did this _every single day_. Once he was done yelling at himself, he fixed his hair and tiara-headband-thing and took his seat. With a wave of his hand, a servant dude popped through the ceiling and got his books from the bag on the floor by the dented wall, and placed them on his desk. Bowing, Marth dismissed the man, and he disappeared in a cloud that said "POOF!" on it.

"Show off," some random kid said as he walked past the classroom. Marth threw a pen at the kid, who ducked, and it instead hit Mr. Georgeston. He got stabbed in the eye by said pen, which popped a blood vessel and made him blind for the rest of his life, but other than that, he was a-okay! Marth went back to what he was doing, which was staring at the wall. Roy was writing profane things in his notebook about killing people a la Resident Evil and all about how Marth was a show-offy dipshit who wore a headband. He promptly scratched the last one out, as Marth was his best friend, and instead focused on doodling himself and his girlfriend doing some rather inappropriate things that would make his father raise an eyebrow.

The late bell rang, and Mewtwo entered the room via his teleportation powers. He laughed evilly, looked around, and sipped coffee from his "I'm a SEXY Evil Bastard" coffee mug.  
"Where's the puny mortal that sits in front of the red head?" he asked, placing his mug on his desk with a loud CLANK. Everyone looked at the vacant seat in front of Roy and shrugged.  
"Oh well. Today's lesson--" Just then, a certain blond headed Hylian ran down the hallway, stopped (sliding down the hallway and leaving skid marks as he did so), ran to the doorway, and stopped, catching his breath.  
"He's here, Mr. Mewtwo," Stephanie said, still playing her DS.  
"Thank you for pointing out the obvious, Stephanie," Mewtwo growled in her direction. She ignored him and continued poking the screen of her DS with the stylus much harder than need be. "Mortals," he breathed, "Imbeciles, the lot of them. Especially the female species. It's called the Melee Academy of Higher Learning for _Boys_ for a reason, damn it."

Mewtwo sighed in resignation, turned around, and glared at the person responsible for interrupting his class. He gave Link a death glare before turning to the board once more.  
"Have a seat, Mr. Mekkai," the purple cat-like Pokemon said without looking at him.  
"I have a pass from my counselour," he said, and held it out.

Mewtwo floated over to him and took the pass.  
"What do you say when you're late, Mr. Mekkai?" Link's face flushed and he bowed.  
"Osokunarimashite shitsureshimashita," he said, excusing his being late.  
"Now take your seat. Before I start my lesson, I have something to tell you," he said as Link sat down.  
"You're gonna stop teaching us?" Gary Martin Stu asked, raising his hand.  
"No," Mewtwo replied, and set Gary Stu on fire. "Look at the dry erase board. Someone named 'Celeste' drew _that_ and wrote...well, you can see it."

They all stared. And stared. And they stared more. Roy raised his hand.  
"Yes, Mr. Pherae?" Mewtwo said, sounding like he was about to doze off at any second.  
"You _do_ realise that Sharpie _can_ be erased, right?"  
Mewtwo gave him a "what the fuck are you talking about?" look and pointed to the board.  
"Sharpie is _permanent_, you imbecile."  
"No it's not," Roy said, insisting. "Just get a pencil eraser and erase it. It comes off. Trust me."  
Mewtwo sighed and stole Marth's pencil eraser. Marth glared at him and made a plan to take Falchion and beat Mewtwo up in a Melee match. Too bad you couldn't fight during school hours and weapons had to be kept in the student's locker. Mewtwo erased the Sharpie, and within five minutes, it was all off. He threw the eraser at Marth, who ducked and it instead hit the boy behind Stephanie. He was now completely blind, but he gave a thumbs up and a smile--he was a-okay!

"I told you," Roy said, which made Mewtwo slap him.  
"'Ey!" Roy shouted, getting up from his desk. "That's child abuse! My _retainer_ doesn't even slap me, and he's really strict!"  
Mewtwo laughed.  
"_I'm not your retainer_."  
"And thank Elimine for that," the red head replied, taking his seat and crossing his arms.  
"...Who's Elliemihneh?" Stephanie asked, raising her hand.  
"Some bitch," Mewtwo replied. Roy glared.  
"She happens to be the patron saint of my continent, thank-you-very-much," he said, his voice deep. Ooh, Roy was _really_ pissed off now.

"Roll call, you know the drill," Mewtwo said, getting the attendance sheet out and a "Please donate to the LMIA foundation" pen from his desk.  
"Stephanie Alvarez."  
The girl in pigtails raised her stylus-holding hand.  
"Hai!"  
Mewtwo marked her in.  
"Nicholas Pickéll."  
"Hai!" the now blinded boy responded, still trying to pry Marth's eraser out of his retina and failing miserably because he couldn't see what the hell he was doing.  
"Marth Lowell."  
The disinterested prince raised one finger and said, "Hai," not once looking up from his _Harry Potter_ book. Yes, Marth reads Harry Potter. Don't give me that look. Anyway!  
"Link Mekkai."  
Mewtwo got a paper airplane in his coffee (again). It said "Hai!" on it in very messy, typical-left-handed writing. Mewtwo marked him absent since he didn't get a verbal response and since anyone could have written it. That and he was pissed at Link for interrupting his class.  
"And finally, Roy Eliwood Pherae."  
"Hai," the aforementioned said, raising his hand, which smacked Marth upside the head. Marth stood up and threw his paperback book at Roy, who ducked. The book went soaring towards Link instead, but he ducked as well, and finally it hit the wall, making another slight dent in the plaster.

"Alright now. Today we'll be memorising poems. With a partner. Failure to recite said poems will result in a 'zero' and you being bricked." Mewtwo threw a bunch of papers in the air and, using his telepathy, moved them to each person's desk.  
"_Get started_."  
However, instead of Roy and Marth memorising the poem, they played tic-tac-toe and had angry, hate-filled make out sessions. Link was paired with Gary Stu, who insisted he was teh bestest evar and that Link was some schmuck on the pavement just because he was very white and very wealthy. Link asked for a new partner, but Mewtwo threw a bottle of white-out at him. Link ducked, and the white-out knocked Gary Stu out instead and sent him flying to the floor. Link laughed; it was only proper that a bottle of white-out knocked a white out. He proceeded to laugh his ass off even more at his own joke (even though it was only funny to him) and call Gary a whorish biotch before kicking him repeatedly until class was over.

The bell rang, and everyone ran out the door and to their next class.  
"I need another job," Mewtwo said, and prepared a Molotov Cocktail for his next class.  
"I swear, they're like dogs: you tell them to not pee on the carpet, they're good for a day or two, and then what do they do? THEY PEE ON THE GODDAMN CARPET." He also loaded his colt revolver, (which he had named Broken Butterfly), just in case any of the students got out of hand.

- - -

"So what's the slope intercept of this? Anyone?" Ms. Toadstool's Algebra One class was about as exciting as watching someone tie their Converses.  
"Anyone? Hello? Hey! Mr. Pickéll, wake up!" Ms. Toadstool got her frying pan out and whacked him over the head. Nicholas woke up and then lost consciousness. Not only was he blind (and he still had Stephanie's pen and Marth's eraser in his retinas), but now he had a concussion. Could his day get any worse?  
Peach walked to the front of the room again and put her frying pan back in her desk drawer.  
"Five," Roy said, raising his hand and twirling his pencil with the other.  
"Correct!" Peach said and wrote it on the board. "At least _someone_'s paying attention."  
"Actually," Roy said, "I copied off of Marth." Marth snorted awake and with a "What?" was slapped.  
"Stop falling asleep, Marth. It's not polite."  
Marth muttered something and looked at the board with very heavy eyelids. That's what happens when you spend all night with your lovely wife.  
"Homework time!" Peach said cheerfully. She wrote it on the board.  
"Start it now! Whatever you don't finish is due tomorrow." She smiled and sat down at her desk.  
"I need a stiff chardené. Nice and woody," she said as she sipped her coffee. Marth fell asleep, Roy was listening to his iPod (because his father loved to spoil him rotten), and Link was writing "I LOVE ZELDA" on the desk. With a red Sharpie.

- - -

"So Marth," Roy said, books in hand as he made his way to the cafeteria.  
"What?" the prince replied, stopping at his locker. His companion leaned against the locker next to his, as he dropped his books on the floor.  
"About Battle of the Bands...," the red head started, opening the locker door when Marth finished fiddling with the lock.  
"What about it?" Marth said, putting his books on the bottom shelf. Two stereotypically gay guys passed by and noticed Marth's arse. Giggling like ten year old schoolgirls, they walked away and began talking about how "sexy" it was. Marth stood up and held onto the locker door.  
"I swear..." Roy chuckled.  
"Hey, I'd take it as a compliment." Marth picked Roy's books up and placed them on the top shelf. He closed the door with a slam to make sure it locked, and placed the combination lock on it, shackling it closed. He pulled on it to make sure it wouldn't open, and waited for Roy to finish tying his shoelaces.  
"Why do you place my books on the top shelf?"  
"Because I _can_," Marth said. "Besides, you're tall enough to reach them easily, right?" The bluenette ruffled the red head's hair.

"So anyway, what were you saying about Battle of the Bands?" Marth took his uniform jacket off and slung it over his shoulder. Roy had his tied around his waist, and was in the process of loosening his tie.  
"Well, Link and I were talking, and we picked a song all three of us could sing." The prince noticed the general's mischievous grin and braced himself.  
"Oh? And what song is it?" Roy got on line and picked out his lunch.  
"Don't laugh, because it's the perfect song for our fangirls." Marth got his lunch and handed the lunch lady his ID. Roy scanned his himself.  
"One dollar and fifty cents," the lunch lady said. Roy got out a five dollar bill and handed it to her. She handed him three dollars and fifty cents back, which he put in his pocket, and walked off to find an empty table.  
"Tell me what the song is, Roy," Marth said impatiently as he sat down next to the red head.  
"'Larger than Life'." Marth gave him a "what in the blue hell are you smoking?" look.  
"Isn't that a Backstreet Boys song?" Roy snickered.  
"Oh Gods, we're singing freaking _Backstreet Boys_?" Roy giggled.  
"Yes. And we're wearing white shirts and tight-ass black pants. Link plans to rig the sprinkler system so that when he presses a button, they'll go off." Marth tried to commit Seppuku with his bendy straw, but straws aren't sharp enough to give even a _papercut_, bendy or not.

"I'm doing a solo, too," Roy said after he witnessed Marth's failed attempt at disemboweling himself with the bendy straw.  
"Oh? I thought you couldn't sing?"  
"Pfft. Respectable tenor."  
Marth stared.  
"What song?"  
Roy stuffed his mouth with his sandwich and nearly choked. Marth rolled his eyes and patted him on the back.  
"I don't know the Heimlich, so you're on your own if you choke."  
Roy swallowed his sandwich and glared.  
"Hellogoodbye's 'Here in Your Arms'."

Next thing Roy knew, Marth was on the floor.  
"Marth? Are you alright?" Roy looked over the side of the table. Marth suddenly popped up from the floor and sat back in his seat.  
"Now Sheeda'll want to come," he said, and put his head in his hands.  
"What's wrong with Sheeda coming?"  
Marth ate his mashed potatoes.  
"...What, does she like that song or something?"  
Marth stared.  
"Haha. Yeah, okay. But she can have the time of her life seeing you wear a transparent-when-wet white shirt on stage."  
"At least you won't make an ass out of yourself."  
"...My girlfriend's coming. She and Sheeda can take pictures and use them as blackmail and cackle together."

"...Is Link doing a solo?" Marth said after he swallowed what was left of his mashed potatoes.  
"Are they trying to starve us or something?" Marth shouted at his lunch. "There's barely anything on this freaking tray!"  
"Link's doing 'I'm Too Sexy'."  
Once again, Marth was on the floor. Laughing his ass off, according to all the people around him.  
"Seriously?"  
"Yes."  
"Did I hear something about me?" Link popped in on the conversation, which startled Roy, who ended up falling on top of Marth in a very compromising position. The table of Stereotypical Gay Guys sighed and took pictures.  
"Y helo thar, Marth," Roy said and laughed nervously.  
"Get off," Marth said, and Roy did so.  
"I just wanted to tell you that the music teacher let us have two group songs!"  
"..." was all Marth and Roy said.  
"So I decided," Link said, going on as if nothing unusual was happening. "That we should do "The Bad Touch" by Bloodhound Gang."  
Pause.  
"…Guys?"  
By this time, Marth and Roy were already out of the cafeteria. Link was left standing alone.  
"Was it something I said?"

**Author's Notes:** So! After a hiatus, this story's back! Please, as always, take the time to review if you really liked it! I appreciate feedback so that I know what things work and what things don't. I'm working on the next chapter as I type (in fact, chapter four is half written and is in the other tab in Nvu). Will Marth and Roy go through with "The Bad Touch"? Will Marth finally lose his sanity? Will the fangirls be happy? Who knows? Well, I do, but that's not the point.

Until next time!


	4. Chapter 4

**Melee School Boys**

-Four-

Zelda was sitting down in the front row of the auditorium.  
"_You and me baby ain't nothin' but mammals so let's do it like they do on the discovery channel_--" Roy tripped and fell flat on his face. Marth stood there while Link was shaking his arse and running his hands over his body seductively.  
"I am _not_ appeasing to the fangirls," was all Marth said. Roy raised his hand and flailed, signalling he needed help. Marth took his hand and pulled the general up, at which point Roy fell over again, this time, on his arse. Marth sighed and took both of Roy's arms. Pulling him up, and stared at Link.  
"Can we _please_ do another song? This one's too..._sexual_," Marth said.  
"Yeah!" Roy said. "My _dad's_ coming to this thing!"  
Link stopped the music and walked over to them.  
"Have any suggestions? Hmm?"  
Roy raised his hand.  
"'It's My Life'." Marth had no idea what was going on and decided to sit on the edge of the stage.

- - -

"_I like where we are, when we drive, in your car. I like where we are... Here_..."  
Marth was leaning his head against his arm, which was propped up on the armrest. Link was walking around with a headset and clipboard (which he stole from Zelda). Roy was clutching the mic stand, the microphone in the other. He was singing his little Pheraean head off. Zelda was in charge of leading the band and making sure they didn't mess up. Marth noticed that Roy looked hot with his shirt half unbuttoned, his tie completely undone, and his jacket tied around his waist. He didn't know why, but that was the way it was.  
"_Our lips, can touch. Our lips, can touch...here..._"

"Hey, Marth, you haven't submitted a solo yet," Link said, tapping Marth on the shoulder.  
"Hmm? Oh, yeah. About that. I really don't want to sing a solo." Link gave him a "what are you, nuts?" look.  
"If it's about not being able to find the perfect song, don't worry. I found one _just for you_." Marth rolled his eyes as Link showed him the clipboard.  
"_What_?!" Roy stopped singing, the band stopped playing, and Zelda turned around to see what was going on.  
"I am _not_ singing 'Cry for the Dream'," Marth said, matter-of-factly.  
"Why not?" Link asked. "There's nothing wrong with it." If Marth wasn't a prince, he would have punched Link for making such a suggestion. As it was, though, he just calmed himself and said, "I am not singing a Heero Yuy image song."

- - -

"_Looking at the crowd, and I see your body sway, c'mon. Wishin' I could thank you in a different way, c'mon. 'Cause all of your time spent keeps us alive_," Link sang, over enthusiastically at that. He looked over his sunglasses into the non-existent crowd. He did some Michael Jackson-esque moves (minus the crotch grabbing), and moon-walked around the stage. He stopped to yell at Marth for not having his shirt unbuttoned enough. Marth sighed and unbuttoned it all the way; he crossed his arms in a vain attempt to cover himself, but it wasn't working. Two fangirls from the school across the street shrieked like ten year olds at a Green Day concert, to which Link stopped the music and told them that "this is a closed rehearsal," and that "Marth and Roy and myself are open for autographs _after_ school". They promptly fainted, and Marth damned his sexiness.

"Now, you're supposed to tip your hat like _this_," Link said, demonstrating with his own top hat. Marth held it in his hands like it was a piece of trash, and Roy said that it "clashed with his hair", to which Link replied that that was a bunch of bullshit.  
"Red and black go perfectly together," Link said, and placed the hat on Roy's head."  
"Oh my...Roy? Is that _you_?"  
"Marthy? What the heck?"  
The two Fire Emblem boys looked to see two blue headed girls, each around the same height, stand in the doorway. The taller of the two was wearing an Academy of Talis uniform, the other one was wearing Ostia's School for Battle Arts uniform.  
"Oshitoshit_oshit_," was all Roy said, quoting Crowley from _Good Omens_. It was his favourite book, okay?  
Marth hastily tried to button his shirt, but Link simply said, "Nu uh, Mr. Lowell. You're keeping that open until we're done with this song. Hey! You two ladies--" he saw their glares and said, "Have a seat somewhere. Okay! Let's pick up from the chorus!"

The two girls sat down in the front row next to the music teacher.  
"_All you people can't you see, can't you see_ _how your love's affecting our reality? Every time we're down, you can make it right. And that makes you larger than life_," Roy, Marth, and Link sang, though Link was singing much more enthusiastically than the other two.  
"Aww," the taller girl said. "Marth looks so adorable with his shirt unbuttoned."  
Marth's face flushed. Hopefully this whole thing would end soon.

- - -

"_I'm too sexy for my shirt, too sexy for my shirt, so sexy it hurts. And I'm too sexy for Milan, too sexy for Milan, New York, and Japan._" Link was practically making out with the microphone. He also sounded like he was about to orgasm, which Marth noted, sounded way too real to really ignore. Zelda was particularly disturbed with the "I'm too sexy for my hat," part, but in all, she thought the song was very egotistical. Roy's girlfriend was sitting on his lap, watching the whole performance.  
"...Is he supposed to be making out with the microphone and shaking his butt?" his girlfriend asked.  
"To tell you the truth, Lilina, I have no idea." She left it at that and decided to not ask anymore questions.  
"M_a_rth_y_," Sheeda said, sitting next to him.  
"What, Sheeda?"  
"When is it _your_ turn?" Marth looked at her and then back to Link making an arse out of himself.  
"Hopefully never."

Link was finally done with his song.  
"ALRIGHT MELEE HIGH!"  
"But it's Melee Academy of Higher Learning for Boys!" Roy shouted. And then, for the hell of it, Link started singing "Swagger" by Flogging Molly.  
"...Since when was Link Irish?" Marth asked.  
"Since never!" Link replied, square dancing with the mic stand. Roy looked a bit embarassed.  
"Is Link a friend of yours, Roy?" Lilina asked.  
"No," Roy replied. "No, he's not." Meanwhile, Link was doing Justin Timberlake-esque moves, cartwheels, and jumping jacks.

"I think that boy needs help," Sheeda said, and Lilina nodded in agreement with her.

- - -

"I am _not_ getting up to sing, Link Anaka Mekkai," the prince of Altea said, refusing the microphone.  
"You agreed to--"  
"I agreed to nothing!"  
"But it says here--"  
"Screw what it says! I didn't agree to _anything_, right Roy?"  
The red head put his hands up in defense. "I'm not getting into an argument with Link again."  
"Just sing the damn song, Marth! It can't be _that_ bad!"  
Marth said nothing. Link shoved the mic into Marth's hand and jumped off the stage.  
"Pretend we're not here!" Link shouted, grabbing his clipboard.  
'That's a bit hard to do,' Marth thought, but shook the feeling off. Zelda pressed "Play" on the stereo and cranked the music up to all the way.

Link was whistling and cheering and clapping, and Marth didn't even start. So Roy slapped him upside the head and told him to Ess Tee Eff Yoo. Link rubbed his head and dimmed the lights.  
"_Arikitari no hiiroo nante/Mappira sa Ore ni wa naranai/Tamaranai_," Marth sang, and he sang them in a disinterested sort of way. Link was shouting "GO MARTH!" and holding signs up that he made in 1.542 seconds. Zelda was sitting as far away from Link as possible, pretending that they weren't, in fact, going out. Sheeda was acting like a 1x2 fangirl at an anime convention. Roy and Lilina were whispering sweet nothings in each other's ears, giggling, and having passion-filled make out sessions.  
"_Cry for the dream... yeah yeah yeah/Hageshiku/Cry for the dream... yeah yeah yeah/Sakebu yoru_," Marth sang, finally getting into the song. Zelda had to keep Sheeda restrained in her seat before she jumped on the stage and molested Marth or something. Even though Sheeda and Marth were married. Roy and Lilina were now necking, to which Link said, "Oh, look Zel, they're necking." Zelda told him to stop watching so much Roseanne and Link told her to "ssh because Marth's singing".

Marth finished singing and was met with security guards trying to keep all 8594083534053 of his fangirls at bay. Marth sighed and placed the microphone on the stand. Gracefully, he leapt off of the stage and landed on his feet.  
"Ohmigods, Marth! That was wonderful!" Sheeda said and kissed him hard. Marth kissed her back, and Link turned away.  
"Let's not see the make out session, mkay? Mkay," the boy that was blond said.  
"Roy, can I see you preform?" Lilina asked, still sitting on his lap.  
"Tomorrow," Roy said, and kissed her forehead.  
"Aww," Lilina said, disappointed.

- - -

Four boys were blocking Marth, Roy, and Link from leaving the school.  
"Haha, you're all queer," they said in unison. Link cracked his knuckles, Roy whipped the Fuuin no Tsurugi out, and Marth settled for glaring.  
"Mo, Moo, Adpot, and Rowe-gull," Link muttered, preparing a plan in his head that involved the Master Sword, his boot, their asses, and black eyes.  
"Nice girls you got there, boys, but what they'd want with losers such as yourselves, I'll never figure out," Moo said, and his three brothers agreed.  
"Hey!" Sheeda said. "Marth's not a loser!"  
"Yeah!" Lilina said. "Our boyfriends are fine! We don't like stuck up snobs such as yourselves."  
Link snapped and started to go all Mortal Kombat on their asses, leaving the Fire Emblem boys, his girlfriend, Roy's girlfriend, and Marth's wife to be astounded.

"WHO'S A SMUDGE ON THE PAVEMENT, NOW, HUH?" he shrieked, and kicked their bloody carcasses for good measure.  
"Uh, Link?" Roy said.  
"What?" Link said, instantly calming down and acting as if nothing happened.  
"...Nevermind. Let's go home, we have the Battle of the Bands tomorrow."  
"Oh, and Roy?" Lilina asked.  
"What?"  
"Your dad's waiting for you at the Manse."  
"...Oh dear Elimine."  
Marth found the conversation amusing and snickered. Sheeda stared at Marth for a minute, grabbed his arm, and walked with him to the Manse. Tomorrow was going to be a long day.  
But Link didn't think so.

- - -

**Author's Notes:** So, my fellow readers, what did you think of this chapter? Well, if you'd like to, please review! I like to hear what people think of my fanfics.  
**Disclaimer:** Don't own anything. Mo, Moo, Adpot, and Rowe-gull belong to Quikil. Fire Emblem belongs to Intelligent Systems/Nintendo. Melee belongs to Hal Laboratories/Nintendo. The songs, lyrics, and artists featured here belong to their respective places, not me. Use of the lyrics falls under the fair use act. They belong to their respective bands, people, whoever.


	5. Chapter 5

**Melee School Boys**

-Five-

"Pardon the interruption," the woman on the intercom said, "but will all participants in 'Battle of the Bands' please gather back stage? I repeat, will all participants in 'Battle of the Bands' please gather back stage? Thank you."  
Of course it _had_ to happen during eighth period, Marth's favourite class in the whole wide world: Battle Arts. However, Link and Roy were very happy to have English interrupted, as Mr. Georgeston was very boring and they felt like killing themselves with their English textbooks if they had to read the Odyssey.

Walking down the hall, Marth noticed that there was barely anyone _going_ backstage.  
'What, did Link kill the competition or something?' he thought. Shaking his head, he went into the bathroom to change into his first outfit for "Larger than Life". In there, he found his Fanboy Club, and he dove into the nearest stall (which had no lock). Holding the door shut with his leg, he took his jacket off, hung it on the door, and followed suit with his shirt and tie. Digging into his "Big Brown Bag", he found his white shirt and put it on. Buttoning the last three buttons, he untied his shoes and kicked them off, all the while keeping the door closed and chucking wads of toilet paper at the fanboys. At last, he had his pants off and on the door with the rest of his uniform, and managed to put his black, tight-ass pants on without ripping them. The final touches were made (such as Marth putting on black Converse) and he shoved his uniform into the bag and ran like hell out of the bathroom, the fan club on his arse the whole way to backstage.

- - -

"Shit!" Link said. "I think I ripped my pants."  
Roy had Link turn around. His dark green boxers could be seen through the rather large hole.  
"Right on the seam," the red head said.  
"There's no time to sew them up, either. Ah well. I'll just wear my jacket over it," the blond said, tying his light blue school blazer around his waist. Roy scratched his chest.  
"It's kind of cold having our chests bared to the public like this," the general observed. Link told him to ignore it and Roy did so.  
"Do the sprinklers work?" Link asked one of the stage crew members.  
"Yes, L, they do," the only female crew member, Kwaneetra, said.  
"Good."

The door slammed open, and Marth came waltzing in. He placed his bag next to Roy's and Link's, and said, "So, are we ready?" Roy stretched and said nothing, whereas Link said, "Hell yeah we are!"  
"Good," Marth replied, and sat down in a random chair.

"Hello everyone!" the announcer, Zelda, said. In response, the crowd cheered.  
"Welcome to our annual Battle of the Bands here at Melee School of Higher Learning for Boys! We hope you'll enjoy the lovely show we have planned for you this afternoon. If you like it, tell your friends, and come back again tonight!"

"Tonight?!" Roy spazzed. Link peeked out from behind the curtain.  
"It's a full house," Link said. "And Zel's just kidding. Calm down, Roy." The red head was hyperventilating, so Marth gave him a paper bag to blow into.

"Just kidding! Anyway, for our first preformance, we have a group performing the Backstreet Boys's hit "Larger than Life". Hit it!" The lights went out, and the heavy synthesizer intro began. The spotlight turned on, and the curtain slowly rose. Link began to sing, doing some funky weirdo dance while he did so. Roy and Marth danced in the backround, mirroring Link.  
"_And that makes you larger than life!_" Link sang, doing the chicken dance. Roy was break dancing, and all the girls started screaming like ten year olds at a Green Day concert. Marth was just there, dancing his little heart out.  
"_All of your time spent keeps us aliiiive_," the three sang in unison.  
"_And that makes you larger..._" Link sang, doing the moon-walk.  
"_That makes you larger..._" Marth sang, walking like an Egyptian.  
"_That makes you larger than life_!" Roy finished, getting on his knees and sliding to the front, arms extended. The fangirls were having a ball. The sprinklers went off at that moment, dousing everyone with water.

Zelda came onto the stage, umbrella in hand, and said, "Yes, what a wonderful performance! Let's give it up for Roy, Marth, and Link!" Everyone cat called, whistled, clapped, you name it. The Fire Emblem Boys and Link (which was the name of their band) ran off of the stage and sat down, getting towels.  
"Fuckin' sweet," was all Link said.

"Next up is Gary Martin Stu with 'Just Want You to Know' by the Backstreet Boys." No one clapped. Gary stood, microphone in hand, and waited for the music to start.  
"Ugh! Stupid stereo!" Zelda said, and beat it with Peach's tennis racket a few times. The music finally started, and Gary started singing.  
"_I just want you to know_," he croaned. The crowd threw rotten produce at the Stu. Lilina stood up, Wind tome in hand. Opening it to a page somewhere in the middle, she whispered, "Whirlwind" whilst pointing at Mr. Stu.  
"_That I've been fighting to let you go_-AH!" Gary was carried off of the stage by the whirlwind, landing outside in the football stadium. Her boyfriend's father gave her a look.  
"Sorry, Mr. Eliwood, but I couldn't _stand_ it," she said. Sheeda backed her up. Eliwood sighed.

- - -

After three more performances, Zelda once again came onto the stage. The sprinklers had been off for a good hour now.  
"You look like Relena-freaking-Peacecraft in that outfit, you h0r!" some random person shouted from the crowd. Zelda threw her umbrella at the person. He was impaled by it, and later died. But no one cared, and went on with their lives.  
"Ahem. Anyway, please put your hands together for Link Mekkai singing the hit song, 'I'm Too Sexy' by Right Said Fred!" Zelda walked down the steps and off to the side, turning her mic off.  
"I need some water, please," she said to a stage hand.  
"Sure thing, princess," he said, and went off to fetch her a bottle.

"_I'm too sexy for my love too sexy for my love_  
_Love's going to leave me_," Link sang, arms extended to the heavens. The music started, and Link walked up to the edge of the stage.  
"_I'm too sexy for my shirt too sexy for my shirt_  
_So sexy it hurts_," he sang, taking his half-wet shirt off and spinning it around. Link's fangirls (as well as Zelda) went wild at this movement. He threw it out to the audience, where Sheeda got hit with it and threw it to some random fangirl in order to avoid being maimed.  
"Viscious beasts," she said, brushing herself off.  
"This is why I came prepared," Lilina said, gesturing to her wide assortment of tomes.

The last few notes of the song played. Link sang the last line out, seductively, "_And I'm too sexy for this song_." The lights went out, pyrotechnics went off, and Link walked off.  
"Thank you!" he shouted to the audience before disappearing behind the curtain. He took his headset off and slapped hands with Roy and Marth.  
"Put a shirt on," Marth said.  
"Pfft. I'm hot. I don't _need_ a shirt."

"Let's hear it for Link, everyone!" Zelda said, and the crowd went wild (except for Lilina, Sheeda, and Eliwood).

- - -

"This next song is dedicated to a 'Lilina Ostia'."  
Lilina blushed and Sheeda laughed.  
"Here's a wonderful rendition of Hellogoodbye's song 'Here in Your Arms'."  
The lights went out, and the music started.

"_I like where we are,_  
_When we drive, in your car_  
_I like where we are... Here_

_Cause our lips, can touch_  
_And our cheeks, can brush_  
_Our lips can touch here_," the soloist sang. The lights were still out. Sheeda went "Awww," and Lilina blushed harder.

"_Well, you are the one, the one that lies close to me_  
_Whispers "Hello, I miss you quite terribly"_  
_I fell in love, in love with you suddenly_  
_Now there's no place else I could be but here in your arms_."

The spotlight turned on and Sheeda went "Awww" once again. Lilina turned the colour of her boyfriend's hair, and Eliwood became extremely surprised.  
"I didn't know Roy could sing," he said. Sheeda shushed him.

"_Our lips, can touch_  
_Our lips, can touch...here_

_You are the one the one that lies close to me_  
_Whispers "Hello, I miss you quite terribly"_  
_I fell in love, in love with you suddenly_  
_Now there's no place else I could be but here in your_..." Lilina squealed, which surprised Eliwood and Sheeda and everyone else in the audience.

The song ended, and Roy got the biggest applauds ever. He bowed, placed the microphone back on the stand, and ran backstage.  
"That was sweet, Roy," Marth said and patted him on the back. Link gave him a high five.  
"Your girlfriend probably liked that," the blond said.  
"Heh. Yeah."

- - -

Marth placed the headset on his head and made sure it was on and that it was secure and all this other stuff. He would have preferred a microphone, but Link said he couldn't. He placed his tiara in Roy's hands for safe keeping, and peeked out from behind the curtains. He gulped. He really didn't want to do this, but he figured he should or Link would never let him hear the end of it.  
"Singing 'Cry for the Dream' is Prince Marth Lowell. Please give him a warm welcome!" Zelda ran off of the stage, almost tripped, and went to the bathroom. Water goes _right through you_.

The curtain opened once again. Link pushed Marth out onto the stage, and in turn, almost fell. He regained his balance and waited for the music to start. Zelda came back just in time to press "Play" on the stereo and have it blasting.  
"_Arikitari no hiiroo nante/Mappira sa Ore ni wa naranai/Tamaranai_," Marth sang, doing some weird dance along with it. His fangirls cheered like 1x2 fans at an anime convention Hikaru Midorikawa was making an appearance at. He ignored them, though, and focused on the song instead.  
"_Cry for the dream... yeah yeah yeah/Hageshiku/Cry for the dream... yeah yeah yeah/Sakebu yoru_." Some of the fangirls passed out, and two guys put them on stretchers and carted them out. Marth also ignored this, as he didn't care.

He finished the song and got some cheering, but nothing could match up to Roy's applause.  
"And that's it! After the intermission, the judges will tally up the scores and we'll announce the winner." Zelda turned the mic off and stepped off the stage to talk with the judges (Ganondorf, Samus, and Mario).

- - -

Marth changed back into his uniform, glad to be out of those pants. Any longer, and all circulation to his balls would have been cut off. He breathed a sigh of relief when he saw no fanboys waiting outside his stall door, and walked out of the bathroom. It smelled really bad, but that was probably due to some guy named Erik taking a really big crap and straining. He whistled a little tune as he walked backstage, his other clothes in his bag. Roy was sitting down in a chair opposite the control panel for the lights, the sprinklers, the pyrotechnics, the mics...you get the picture. Marth noticed Roy had changed back into his uniform sans jacket and tie. He was leaning backwards in his chair. Link was still in the same clothes, still shirtless, and pacing back and forth, nervous and impatient at the same time.  
"I wonder who won?" Link asked.  
"Definitely not that Gary Stu guy," Roy said. "He was terrible." Marth nodded in agreement.  
"Oh, here's your tiara," Roy said, holding Marth's tiara-headband-thing out. The prince of Altea took it and placed it back in his hair, adjusting it until it was _just so_. Otherwise Marth would have another OCD attack.

"Will all Battle of the Bands performers please come to the stage for judging? I repeat, will all Battle of the Bands performers please come to the stage for judging? Thank you," Zelda announced over the intercom. The lights dimmed, and the two spotlights shone on the judges' panel and the stage.  
"Let's have The Fire Emblem Boys and Link come out, please," Zelda said. The prince, the general, and the hero walked into the spotlight and stood there, waiting to be belittled by Big Nose, the Bounty Hunter, and...and Mario.  
"Well, I think they did a great job," Mario said in his Italian accent.  
"The dancing was a little strange, but the singing was great," Samus said, giving them a thumbs up. Link swooned, and got glared at by Zelda in turn.  
"I thought it sucked," Ganondorf said.  
"You think everything sucks!" Mario said, and hit him with a fish.  
"I vote they stay!" Mario said, and Samus agreed.

"Gary Stu!" Zelda shouted, and gestured for him to come forward.  
"You sucked," Samus said, being as blunt as possible without hurting Little Stu's feelings.  
"I'd rather listen to two dogs die than you," Ganondorf said, trying to be as mean as possible. Gary Martin Stu began to sob. He then slit his wrists a la Fanon!Duo from Gundam Wing.  
"I'd rather listen to someone choke on a meatball than you sing," Mario said, and threw spaghetti noodles at him. Gary went blind, but no one cared.  
"Gary Stu, you're the worst singer ever. Go die," Zelda said, and pulled a lever, sending him wherever talentless singers go.

Things went on like that until they got to Link.  
"First of all," Ganondorf began, "You're my enemy, and therefore, I'm going to vote you off just because I can and I'm supposed to. Second of all, that song is retarded. Third of all, you're not sexy. In fact, you being shirtless right now is making my eyes bleed. Go die." Ganondorf wrote "NO" on his voting card.  
"Meh. This song was a hit because it was a novelty. Your vocals need work," Samus said, and also wrote "No" on her voting card.  
"Mama-mia!" was all Mario said, and he wrote "Yes" on his voting card.  
"I'm sorry, Link, but you lost." Link fell to his knees and sobbed. He was then dragged off by Peach.

"Roy, please step forward, since you're behind the spotlight," Zelda said. Roy stepped forward and gulped.  
"That was a breathtaking performance," Samus said. "If anything, _you_ should be the winner." She wrote "Yes" on her voting card.  
"Good job, kid," Ganondorf said, and wrote the same thing Samus wrote.  
"Excellent!" Mario said, and did the same thing as Ganondorf and Samus.

- - -

"Marth, Marth, Marth," Ganondorf said, twirling his black Sharpie between his fingers.  
"You sound like a girl," he said, and wrote NO on his voting card.  
"I do _not_ sound like a girl, thank you," Marth said. His fangirls shouted in agreement. Ganondorf threw a box of paperclips at them, and they shut up.  
"You were off key on some parts, and I thought those pants sucked. Better luck next time," Samus said, and wrote NO on her card.  
"...I don't even know who _sang_ the song, or what it was about! Sing something in English or Italian next time, okay? Okay!" Mario said, and wrote "no" on his card.  
"Marth, I'm sorry, but you sucked. G'bye!" Zelda said, and shoved him off the stage. The fangirls got angry, and so Zelda threw her microphone at them. The feedback made them step a few feet back.

The judges wrote down the winner on the card, even though it was made obvious who the winner was because Roy was the only one on the stage, but that's not the point. They handed Zelda the card, who in turn opened it and paused for a good two minutes for suspense.  
"And the winner is..." Everyone sat on the edge of their seats and suspenseful music played.  
"ROY!" Zelda shouted, and showed the card. The audience shouted "YEY!" and danced. "Miss Independent" played and Roy was given his trophy.  
"You win this lovely trophy, ten bucks, and a box of Cheez-its!"  
"Oh my Elimine, this is the happiest day of my life!" Roy said and sobbed. Zelda gave him a tissue, which he accepted, and blew his nose.  
"Okay, this concludes this year's Battle of the Bands!" The lights came on, and everyone went on with their lives.

- - -

"Roy!"  
Roy stopped walking down the hallway and turned around. Link was smacked in the face by Roy's golden trophy, looking like he got smacked in the face by a golden trophy as a result.  
"Lilina?" Roy said. She threw her arms around his neck and pulled him in for a very passionate kiss. This lasted for about two and a half minutes (Link timed it) before they broke it for air.  
"You never told me you could sing," Lilina said, and kissed him again.  
"Because you never asked," he replied, and he kissed her again.  
"When did you learn to dance?" she asked.  
"...Yesterday."  
"...Oh," Lilina replied, sounding like a Japanese woman.

- - -

Mewtwo floated into his classroom to find "Haha, I know what you did last summer!" written in Sharpie, and a picture of Mewtwo kissing Pikachu passionately was glued to the dry erase board with Crazy Glue.  
"That's it," Mewtwo said. "I'm becoming a banker. Or a garbage man. Or Strong Bad." With that, he turned the lights out and left the classroom.

That night, Mewtwo discovered that his case of LMOA disease had progressed into LMIA. He cried, but then built a bridge and got over it.

- - -

**Author's Note: **Three chapters in one day! Wow! That's like, a record. This story will have ten chapters before it's done, so I'm half-way there! At least, I _hope_ it'll have ten chapters before it ends. I was contemplating whether or not to end it here, but I've decided to not to, but that might change. If anything, chapter six will be the last chapter, as I want to at least deal with the aftermath of the Battle of the Bands.

I also think I'm gonna make this a mini series. What do you people think about that? Anyway, I'm rambling. If you'd like to, please review! I love to hear what my readers think about my work.

**Disclaimer:** I own none of the songs featured in this fic. They belong to their respective bands and the lyrics are used as specified by the fair use act. I don't own Lilina, Eliwood, or Sheeda. They belong to Fire Emblem, which belongs to Intelligent Systems/Nintendo. Melee belongs to Hal Laboratories/Nintendo. In short: I OWN NOTHING. Quikil owns LMOA and LMIA.


	6. Chapter 6

**Melee School Boys**

-Six-

For once, in the whole history of the Melee Academy of Higher Learning for Boys (even though there were two female students named Stephanie and Kweneetra), all the students were in their respective classes and seats before the first bell. For the first time in the school's history, they managed to have some talented singer win the trophy, the ten bucks, and the box of Cheez Its instead of some talentedless schmuck like Gary Stu winning it. There were a lot of firsts in the school, including the first expulsion, the first home band competition, and the first time Mewtwo was nice.

Mewtwo floated into his classroom, as he did every day since 2001 when the school opened its doors for the first time. As he did every day, he floated over to his podium, "Think of the Evil and Sexy Pokemon!" coffee mug in hand, because Mr. Mewtwo liked his damn coffee. He sipped the dark liquid and placed it on the desk to the left of him, next to the "Please donate to the LMOA Foundation!", "Please donate to the LMIA Foundation!", and "I'm a SEXY Evil Bastard" mugs, all of which still had coffee in them (which had mould growing on the first two). He got the attendance sheet out, a clicky pen, and a big pencil eraser for erasing the Sharpie off of the dry-erase board, and placed these things on the podium, right in front of him. The class was silent, and the only sounds you could hear were the ticking of the clock and the tapping of a stylus on a DS touchscreen. This was Stephanie's shining moment in Phoenix Wright: Ace Attorney, and damned if she was going to be interrupted by some stupid cat-like Pokemon teacher. Nicholas was still blinded, but Stephanie's pen and Marth's eraser were out of his damaged and mutilated retinas at last, so he was a-okay! His concussion was better, but he was prone to slipping into unconsciousness occasionally. Gary Stu was still in the Bottomless Pit for Talentedless Hacks, and thus was absent from class. However, he _was_ in the school because the Bottomless Pit was in the school's basement, and therefore, he was in attendance. Somehow.

Link was actually prepared for class, which surprised even Din, Farore, and Nayru.  
"I told you he was good at something other than killing people," Farore said. Her sisters didn't believe her until this day. That lasted for about five minutes, but hey, five minutes is five minutes. Link's notebook was in mint condition (this was because he never used one, which was the reason for his failing the class), his textbook underneath, also in mint condition. His faithful Sharpie (named "Hi Ho Silver" because of its colour) was on top of that. This marked the first time in Link's life where he wasn't leaning back in the chair, something he always did. All those years hanging around Marth rubbed off of him, one would guess. Link was also wearing his blazer, which was also very rare for him, as he hated jackets, and besides, it was cold outside.

Roy was rummaging through his bookbag for his notebook, and upon finding it, discovered it had no front cover, leaving it a mass of seventy sheets held together by the unstretched out part of the spiral spine. Spiral bound notebooks sucked like that. He placed it on his desk, along with his textbook, a pen, and a sketch pad (for when he got bored during class). Roy wasn't any different than he was any other day of the week; his uniform shirt was still untucked, his tie loosened, his blazer missing, and he was wearing the wrong kind of shoes. He leaned back in his chair, twirling a pen between his fingers, as he always did.

Marth was staring off into space, his mouth opened in shock. He had just found out that Dumbledore _died_, and that it was _Snape_ who killed him. He closed the book in silence, mourning the loss. And then he realised his tiara was crocked and had to fix it. His books were in a pile on his desk, where they usually were, in a straight and symmetrical pile. Nothing unusual ever happened with him.

"Kiritsu, mortals," Mewtwo said, telling them to stand; he was examining the huge dustball on the floor next to where he was floating. He glared at it and it spontaneously combusted. No one cared, or even noticed, but Mewtwo's pyromanical grin made the class uneasy.  
"Ohayo gozaimasu," the purple Pokemon said, bidding them "good morning".  
"Ohayo gozaimasu," the class replied in unison.  
"Rei!" Mewtwo said, and bowed. The students mirrored him. Mewtwo stood up and went back to his podium. The coffee mug was now in his hand as he took his pen and clicked it.  
"Sit." It was a simple command, and the sounds of people shuffling their feet (and a few falling) were all that could be heard. Mewtwo sipped his lukewarm coffee, make a face, and placed it on his desk.  
"Roll call," he said, and scrolled down the list of names.  
"Stephanie Alvarez?"

A pink stylus was waved in the air.  
"Hai!"  
Mewtwo marked her in.  
"Marth Lowell?"  
Marth raised a finger, deeply engrossed in his Gundam Wing manga.  
"Hai."  
Mewtwo almost marked him absent, but realised his error and corrected it, marking him "here".  
"Link Anaka Mekkai?"  
"HAI!" the blond responded.  
Mewtwo marked him in.  
"Nicholas Pickéll?"  
A feeble voice replied, "Hai," with his arm held in the air, supported by his other arm.  
Mewtwo marked him in, as well.  
"Roy Eliwood Pherae?"  
"Hai," the red head responded, waving his arm.  
Mewtwo marked him in.  
"Okay, everyone's here except...oh no, wait, he's here." He marked Gary Stu in for the hell of it, and because Gary was in the school.

Mewtwo put the attendance in the sheet slip and placed it on his desk.  
"Okay, puny mortals, who vandalised the dry-erase board?" Of course, no one said anything because no one knew what he was talking about. But that was normal, and they knew Mewtwo had bouts of insanity due to his LMIA disease.  
"Um, Mr. Mewtwo?" Stephanie asked, raising her stylus again.  
"What?"  
"..._What_ dry erase board?"  
Mewtwo turned around. The dry-erase board was _gone_.  
"What the f--hell?" He knew he wasn't imagining things, and figured some asshole stole it to hide all evidence. He would find that asshole and beat him with a shark. Yes, a shark. Meanwhile, some random student was hauling the dry-erase board around in the hallway, but no one (not even Mewtwo) noticed. Then a platypus crashed through the ceiling and squished the student. No one knew (or cared) if he was alright.  
"Well, here's today's assignment. Read pages one hundred to one hundred and four, and do the activity. What you don't finish is _homework_." Oh god, the dreaded "h" word that all students hated. Everyone turned their textbooks to the aforementioned pages and began work.

- - -

Link and Roy had sixth period together, which was Computer Applications. Link and Roy were also the fastest typers in the class, the teacher's pets, and they got the most internet time and the highest scores in the class. They opened the door to the classroom; as usual, they were the first ones there, but that was because fifth period (History) was right down the hall. Link and Roy took their seats and logged in. They waited. And waited. And waited some more. Finally, before the late bell rang, the rest of their class poured in, as well as the teacher.  
"Alright, take your seats and shut your mouths," the teacher, Mr. Lombardi, said, and slammed his grade book on the podium.  
"Your assignment's on the board. You'll be presenting them _later_, so they'd better be done, and they'd better be good!"  
"But I can't type fast!" a boy named Manolo said. He sat to Roy's left and annoyed the living hell out of him.  
"That's too bad for you, then. Learn to type _faster_." Manolo sighed like the little emo boy he was and got to work.  
"You're all here, that's good, no cuts, blah. I hate this job," was all the teacher said before sitting down at his computer and looking up Star Fox fanfics. Mr. Falco Lombardi was a masochist like that.  
"Thank God it's the last day of school before spring break. I don't think I could stand this any longer," a boy named Mike said. He sat across from Manolo, and was also a slow typer.

Roy finished his life story slide show within ten minutes, due to his fast typing skills and the fact that he was rather quiet in class. He saved it to the H drive, printed the handouts out, and gave them to the teacher.  
"Done as always," Mr. Lombardi said, and Roy took his seat. Link finished after him, saved it, printed it, and handed it in.  
"YAY INTRANETS," Roy said, and opened Internet Exploder 7 (a product of Microhard). He typed in a random website, surfed around Wikipedia, and updated his livejournal. Link played Solitaire, and won every game. All the other students were working on their presentations. Most of the class wasn't done, and Falco didn't care.  
"PRESENT, NOW."  
Roy went up first.  
"My life story." He clicked the mouse and it went to the next slide.  
"My full name is Roy Eliwood Pherae. I was born in Pherae, which is located in Lycia, which is in Elibe." He clicked to the next slide.  
"I only have one living relative, which kind of sucks. That would be my dad," he said, gesturing to the picture, "except twenty years younger. His name is Eliwood." He went to the next slide.  
"I was homeschooled from the age of three until I was twelve, where I attended Ostia's School for Battle Arts, located in Ostia, Lycia, Elibe." He clicked onto the next slide, and the next, and basically everyone loved it and clapped went it was done.

"A plus, Mr. Pherae, as always," Mr. Lombardi said.  
"Link! You're up!"  
Link was not the type of person to go up in front of people and talk about anything. He hated audiences, which was ironic because he had no problems with Battle of the Bands. But I digress, as no one cared.  
"My life story." He hit enter on the keyboard and moved to the next slide.  
"My name is Link Anaka Mekkai. Contrary to popular belief, Link is not short for anything." He clicked Enter again.  
"I have no parents, and I was raised by a tree." The class laughed.  
"Hey, he was an awesome tree, too! But he died, sadly." He clicked to the next slide.  
"I was born in Hyrule, and I grew up in Kokiri Forest." Click went the keyboard.  
"I taught myself everything, as Hyrule has no grammar schools for poor people such as myself."

That was all that was to his presentation. Mr. Lombardi clapped, but the other students didn't.  
"A plus," Mr. Lombardi said, and Link took his seat.  
"This class is too easy," Roy said, and spammed his El Jay.

- - -

Marth _hated_ sixth period, which was his seniour AP literature class. It was boring, they read books written by dead British people, and the teacher was boring as all hell. Mr. Game and Watch wrote on the board their assignment ("Read book four of 'Paradise Lost'), beeped a few things, and sat down on his lazy arse to do nothing but ring his little bell and beep. Someone had enough and threw their copy of "Paradise Lost" at the two dimensional figure, but Game and Watch ducked and instead it went out the window and hit Nicholas on the head. He was knocked out and had another concussion, but he was a-okay!

Marth opened up to book four and began to read. He liked what they read in class, but the teacher was boring and it was AP literature. He would have been happy with seniour honours, but _no_, his guidance counselour (whose name was Ms. Caulfield, if it matters) said otherwise. Everyone else in his class was throwing wads of paper, toilet paper, spiral notebook spines, pencils, pens, white-out, Purell hand sanitiser, Sharpies...you get the picture. Marth seemed to ignore all the chaos until a pen (thrown, coincidently, by a red head named Steve Burnside) hit his tiara and knocked it out the window.

The class got dead silent.  
"Oh _shit_," Steve said, and ran like hell out of the classroom, screaming something about hot zombies chasing after him. Unless they were Crimson Heads, Zombies otherwise wouldn't be able to run even if their undead carcasses depended on it. Marth stood up, closed the book, picked up his belongings, and went up to the teacher.  
"I'd like a pass, please," he said, his eye twitching. Mr. Game and Watch saw what happened and promptly wrote a "no-questions-asked" pass, ripped it off the binding, and handed it to the tiara-less prince. Mr. Lowell took it and walked, calmly, out of the room.

He went outside to where his tiara fell (in the stadium), picked it up, examined it, and placed it back on his head.  
"They act like Freshmen," he said, and went on his merry way.

- - -

"Will all students and faculty please meet outside in the stadium for the spring assembly? Thank you," the lady over the intercom said, interrupting class. Link and Roy, who were half dead in their sophomore honours English class, were the first ones out of their seats and out the door. Mr. Georgeston let them get away with it since he thought Link was hot, and Roy was best friends with him, so why the hell not? The rest of the class stayed with Mr. Georgeston, who muttered paedophidelic things under his breath whilst laughing manically. Where they got him from, no one knew.

Roy took Link's arm and dragged him down the bleachers, bumping him into people as they went. Link got up and dusted himself off, made his hand a visor to cover his eyes from the blaring afternoon sun, and looked for a certain someone...  
"There he is!" Roy said, and pointed. Link followed Roy's finger and saw who they were looking for...just not wearing what they expected him to be wearing.  
"He's...he's in _band_?!" Roy asked, and tried to contain his laughter.  
"What's worse," Link said, laughing in between, "is that he plays the _flute_. The flute for Din's sake!" With that, Roy and Link were leaning against the railing, laughing their arses off.  
"We...we should say hello," Roy said after he was done laughing.  
"I dunno if I could stand it," Link said.

It was decided that they would stay where they were and chuck things at him instead. After all, they were right in front of the track, and the band had to go past them. Roy prepared an arsenal that consisted of paperclips, rubber bands, barrettes (from the female teacher behind him), white-out, straws, tooth picks, pens, bobby pins, and pencils. Link had all his notebooks and textbooks.  
"We don't want to kill him," Roy said when Link got his History book out.  
"Right, sorry."  
This assembly was like no other. It was an at-home band competition. The other "team's" band looked menacingly at the home team's band. The aforementioned flute player stuck his tongue out, and that kind of weirded the other team out.

"Gentlemen and faculty! Welcome to our band competition! This year, in honour of our Football team's triumphant win--" The members of the Football team cheered and sang parts of "We Will Rock You" by Queen. "--we have decided to have the competition here, in our wonderful stadium. We will be victorious, like always, but we must ask that you don't bad mouth the other team, even if they do deserve it. Here we go!" With Mario's last words, the director of the band, Ms. Harkinian, made hand gestures and the band began playing.  
"This looks boring," Roy remarked, leaning back and swinging his legs over the railing. Just for the hell of it, Link threw a paperclip into the tuba, which caused it to malfunction and blow up. Don't worry, the player was fine, albeit a bit dazed from the explosion. This caused all of the horns to stop playing, leaving everyone else to play on their own. The horns disguised the crappiness of the clarinets, so the percussion and flutes had to play louder to cover it.

"Well," Link said, "I never knew one paperclip could cause so much damage." He threw one of his notebooks like a frisbee at one of the snobby clarinet players, which collided with the clarinet and it broke in two. This caused a domino effect and soon the precussion, flutes, and the trumpets were all that was left.  
"This is fun!" Link said as he caused utter destruction.  
"Erm, Link?"  
"What, Roy?"  
"This arsenal was made to hit the _other_ team, not ours."  
Link was silent for a minute while Roy stared at him.  
"Oh," Link said. Roy slapped him upside the head with his Japanese textbook and then chucked it at one of the members of the other team. The only female on the other team was promptly knocked out cold.  
"Like that?" Link asked.  
"Yes," Roy replied.

- - -

"Alright, so we've effectively knocked out half of the other team, and our team's back and running," Roy said as he sabotaged the opponents' instruments by putting paperclips in them. Link hit them with his History book and stepped on them a few times. All of this happened in 1.532 seconds during intermission.  
"What are you two doing?"  
The two fifteen year olds turned around to see a boy in the band uniform, concert flute in hand. The two looked at each other and then burst out laughing.  
"Haha, very funny you two. You _do_ realise what you're doing will probably get you suspended, right?"  
Roy stopped inserting rubber bands into the flutes and said, "Yeah, but we might as well make sure we win, right?"  
The boy in band merely shook his head.  
"We'd win it regardless. Now get out of here before someone catches you."

Roy and Link ran like hell out of the little tent laughing their heads off. The flute player sighed and wondered where he got friends like them from. He adjusted his hat and put his one hand in his pocket.  
"Where the hell is my tiara?" Frantically, he searched his person to make sure he hadn't put it in the wrong pocket. It wasn't there.  
"_Roy_! _Link_!"  
Roy and Link ran faster, knowing that their flute-playing best friend was going to kill them. Hopefully Marth would forgive them this time, as he had done in the past. Then again, Marth could probably knock their heads off with that flute...

- - -

"And the winner of this competition is...US! WOO!" The only reason the Melee Academy of Higher Learning for Boys won was because the other team's instruments were broken, and half of their team was either missing in action, knocked out, or dead.

Everyone filed up the stairs of the stadium to go to their lockers just as the bell rang. Marth sat on the steps, flute in his hand, band hat beside him. Link and Roy cautiously walked over to him, unsure as to whether he would use their heads for baseball or if he would be calm and collected. Roy, using some fishing line Link had in his pocket and a hook made out of a paperclip, maneuvered the royal headpiece over to the prince with a stick. Marth saw his tiara dangling precariously in front of his eyes and grabbed it. Putting it in his hair once more, he patted the bleacher next to him. Roy sat on Marth's left, Link sat on Marth's right.  
"We wouldn't have won if you didn't do what you did," Marth said.  
"But didn't you say--"  
"Forget what I said," Marth said, interrupting Roy.  
"But you're the voice of wisdom and--"  
"I was wrong," Marth said, interrupting Roy again.  
Pause.

- - -

"I'm gonna miss you guys," Marth said as he closed his locker door and shackled the combination lock, bookbag slung over his shoulder.  
"Aww, it's okay Marth, we understand you have to go home for the break," Link said, leaning against the wall not too far from where the Golden Boys were.  
"Yeah, I'm gonna miss you, too," Roy said, putting his arms behind his head.  
"Roy?" Link said, raising an eyebrow. "You're not staying at the Manse?"  
Roy shook his head.  
"Father wants me to come home for the break. He's...he's not well and...you know how it is. 'Last days' crap."  
"...So I'm gonna be by myself?" Link said, sighing in disappointment.  
"Pretty much," Marth said. "But we'll be back before you know it." Marth put his arms around Link's and Roy's shoulders, pulling them close.  
"Let's go home." With that, the three swordsmen walked down the corridor and out the doors, the sun shining through.

_The End_

- - -

**Author's Notes:** Wow. Six chapters, and this is the end. Like, _the end_. This makes me sad, but don't worry, 'cause there's gonna be a sequel! I have prom to tackle, still!

I hope you've enjoyed this part of the series. I really enjoyed writing it. Feedback is appreciated, as always.

Much love,  
_Jayden_


End file.
